Madame Web, the latest entry in Sony’s Spider-Man-less Spider-Man film universe, hits theaters on Valentine’s Day this week. Directed by S.J. Clarkson (The Defenders, Anatomy of a Scandal) and starring Dakota Johnson (The Peanut Butter Falcon, 50 Shades of Grey) as Cassandra Webb, Madame Web follows Cassandra as she discovers that she has the power to glimpse into the future, and uses her ability to protect three young girls whose powerful futures are in jeopardy.
Cassandra’s journey throughout Madame Web plays out as chaotically and confusingly as any story featuring spider-powered visions of the future can be expected to. Luckily, there are fistfuls of on-the-nose exposition explaining to the audience exactly what is happening at almost every turn. No need to worry if you forget what’s going on either, because the film will spend a great deal of time explaining either what just happened, what is happening, or what is about to happen over and over again. Madame Web is much more tell than show, and it prefers to over explain itself and what it’s trying to say rather than let the audience piece it together themselves while they’re watching.
Peppered throughout this exposition are little reminders that this is indeed a Spider-Man film, first and foremost. Cassandra’s paramedic partner and best friend is Ben Parker of murdered-by-a-mugger fame. Played by the always charming Adam Scott (Parks and Recreation, Severance), Ben Parker was essentially the only bright spot of the film, and his chemistry in his scenes with Dakota Johnson’s Cassandra Web was the sole aspect of the movie I would gladly take more of.
Not content with letting Uncle Ben be the only obvious Spider-Man reference, there’s also a moment where an awkwardly butchered version of the infamous “with great power comes great responsibility” phrase is spoken, proving that no Spider-Man or Spider-Man adjacent project will ever leave that stone unturned.
The three other leads in this film, Celeste O’Connor (Ghostbusters: Afterlife), Isabela Merced (Dora and the Lost City of Gold), and Sydney Sweeney (Euphoria, The White Lotus) did the best they could with what they had, but spent the film either being friendly and concerned for one another or hating each other, seemingly at random. There are a few moments of humor where the chemistry between these three shines, though unfortunately most of those moments will be familiar to any of the audience who has seen a trailer for Madame Web in the last couple months. Otherwise, these three women spend the majority of the movie on the run from the villain, Ezekiel Simms (Tahar Rahim), and none of them really get a great chance to shine outside of acting nervous and hurried.
The conclusion of Madame Web‘s story isn’t anything to write home about. I won’t spoil it here other than to say the climax is far longer and more ridiculous than it needed to be, and includes one of my pet-peeve movie tropes: where the villain explains to the hero that there’s no way the hero can do something that they were foreshadowed being able to do about 25 minutes previously. Add in some strangely ethereal CGI and literal exploding fireworks and you have a bombastic attempt at a flashy finale that fails to interestingly wrap up an altogether mediocre movie.
Score: 4/10
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