You’ve been there. Lord knows I’ve been there.
Heartbreak.
Throughout this heartbreak, I’ve been looking for outlets. The best thing has been music, TV shows, and movies. But, in search of things that will help, I’ve had to sift through those outlets and experience those emotions even stronger than before. I want to warn anyone who is experiencing any form of heartbreak or mental health issues, some of these things can be triggering.
I decided to compile a list of 5 shows, movies, songs, etc. to avoid and a list of 5 to definitely watch or listen to.
My top 5 things to AVOID POST-HEARTBREAK UNTIL YOU’RE READY FOR EMOTIONS:
- Normal People (streaming on Hulu), I don’t think there’s a word powerful enough to express how this show has made me feel. I only made it three episodes in before I had to stop watching because it hit too close to home. I gave it another 2 weeks before I continued watching. It’s worth noting that you should be considerate of your own feelings and heartbreak, and only watch if it’s something you’re ready to watch.
Once I started watching the series again, I pretty much binged it in two days. There are 12 episodes and they’re about 30 minutes each, so it won’t take much time to finish. But, as expected, it’s a lot to handle emotionally, so no need to feel rushed when watching this series. This is a miniseries and is not expected to have any more seasons, but since this is an adaptation from a novel, it’s rumored that there will be more works from author Sally Rooney in production. For now, I will just focus on Connell’s chain and Marianne’s bangs.
- After Life (streaming on Netflix). This got me in my feels in ways I didn’t think I would. I started this series first after my most recent heartbreak. The show follows Ricky Gervais’ character who is grieving over the loss of his wife. You follow his day-to-day life as a journalist and going through the grieving process. He uses sarcasm as a coping mechanism, but as a result, he pushes away everyone in his life. Through opening up and letting himself be vulnerable, he learns to let people in. The people around him are a reminder that it’s normal and encouraged to be emotional and share his story.
After too many peanut M&M’s and some tears, I finished the first season. This show is tender and really tugs at your heartstrings, but it yanked at mine. Season two continues the momentum from the first season with a little more room to breathe, but when you watch the last episode, you better have some tissues nearby. *Watch at your own risk* - A Star is Born (streaming on HBO Max). Just a big NOPE. Heartbreak? Heart, BROKEN. Especially listening to the song, “I’ll Never Love Again.” Need I say more?
- Song: “Selfish” by Madison Beer. This song has a bit of a silver lining. Listening to it and singing along helps me to dedicate a little over 3 minutes to feel sadness and express those feelings. For me, it’s an appropriate amount of time, but to each their own. The passion in this song and in Beer’s voice just proves how powerful music truly is and the effect it has on our emotions.
- Life Itself
Life Itself (streaming on Amazon Prime) is one of my favorite movies and didn’t get much hype. It was released in theaters September 2018, and even though I saw it opening night, the only people in the theater were my brother and I. I want to credit this film for the piece of art that it is, but with some emotional caution when watching this film.
You might know Director Dan Fogelman for his other works like Crazy, Stupid, Love and This Is Us. I’ve never watched This Is Us, but from what I understand, Life Itself follows the same kind of timeline pattern – lots of flashes forward and back in time. What makes this one particularly tough to watch is how it comes across as dreamlike, and yet it’s still realistic. You watch relationships develop over time and the characters don’t try hard to be deep. Life Itself is absolutely worth watching, but just be sure to have a box of tissues handy and be ready to get your fill of Bob Dylan.
Now…Here’s my list of 5 things to definitely check out during these tough times.
- La La Land (streaming on HBO Max). I had the instinct to watch this film the day post-breakup, and I’m glad I followed that instinct. You know yourself better than anyone, trust your instincts. I didn’t give my logic side enough time to reason myself out of this decision. I just sat myself down on the couch with a snack and sat through the film. I’ve seen this one so many times, I really could’ve just played it out in my mind. I knew that I needed to be reminded that even good things don’t work out sometimes – and it could be for the better. Which leads me to #2 on this list…
- 500 Days of Summer (streaming on Amazon Prime/STARZ). Ah yes, that infamous film. You either love this one or you despise it. I’m someone who’s satisfied with “unhappy endings” because that’s how reality is. For some, it’s a fairytale and things fall into place effortlessly. For most, relationships don’t play out as we anticipate. This is one of those unhappy endings we’ve all experienced at least once. We all need a reminder: misery loves company. Watching someone else’s breakup play out can comfort in the loneliest way, and yet – give you hope.
- High Fidelity (streaming on Hulu) is based on the film with John Cusack from 2000. I still haven’t watched the movie (hits a little close to home as this is my recent flings favorite movie…). But I digress. I found myself connected with Zoë’s character, Rob. You can feel her pain, numbness, sadness, and you’ll enjoy her fourth wall breaking monologues. She went through each heartbreaking relationship and revisited them.
There’s almost an audible sigh of relief you feel after each encounter, kind of like the closure you might not have gotten in real life. I appreciated that I could see myself in her shoes. (Plus, she works at a record store which I would LOVE to do.) It’s through these outlets that you recognize that you’re not alone in these feelings. So many people have gone through what you’ve been through and I think that’s what I love most about this show. I see myself in her place, and it’s a neutral place to be.
- Song: “I Love Me” by Demi Lovato, because everyone deserves to be reminded to have some self-love and not question whether or not you’re enough. Show yourself some love and remind yourself of how important you are. You deserve the best and you are the one responsible for treating yourself the way you want to be treated. You’re stuck with you for the rest of your life. Make sure you like yourself.
5. Podcast: Girls Gotta Eat. Again, personal preference, I identify more with these girls than another very popular girl duo podcast (but I am living for the juicy drama going on with said popular girl duo podcast). Girls Gotta Eat has been producing podcasts since February 2018, so they were even months ahead of the game. The podcast hosts are Rayna Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine and they’re in their mid-30’s. The show features lots of personal stories, advice, and there are guest speakers pretty frequently. They cover all kinds of topics, not just being limited to dating/relationships. These two are well-rounded and realistic, I’ve found that I learn one new thing each time I listen to an episode. You can find them on Spotify, iTunes, and their website.
Happy Heartbreak: Don’t Come Back Too Soon
I hope if there’s anything to take away from this, it’s that there are so many creative outlets to explore and so many people who have, are, and will go through what you’ve experienced. Music, movies, shows, podcasts, and self-help audiobooks are some of the things that have helped me in my lowest times. Sometimes, it might hit a little hard and that’s when you have to take a step back, take care of yourself, and find another outlet to cope. Love yourself, treat yourself, and help yourself.
As my man RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” Now, can we get an amen?!
Since you’re here, check out Alexa’s other list, Scary Movies for people who don’t like Scary Movies.
Enjoy!